I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
