This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
