the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
