First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
