do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
