My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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