He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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