He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
