A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
