My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
