Swine flu is the new snow day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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