Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
