ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
