I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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