I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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