I wannas sexs uuuuu
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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