I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
