I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i will never coherently bang her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
