Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
