your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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