we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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