there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
