So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
