I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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