I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
