Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
