i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
