Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
