That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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