"it" just moved
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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