please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
