Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
