Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
