in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
