It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
