yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
