listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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