69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
