I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
