And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
