who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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