I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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