apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
