just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
