Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
