Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
