You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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