Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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