I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
