DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
