Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
