I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
