i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
