Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
